
Making friends as a child or teen often happens naturally — through school, games, or neighborhood hangouts. But as we grow older, things change. People become busy with work, family, and responsibilities. Moving to new cities, changing careers, or life transitions like marriage or divorce can also make us feel isolated. So, how do you make new friends as an adult?
Here’s a simple, human, step-by-step guide to building meaningful adult friendships — without pressure, awkwardness, or feeling like you’re doing something wrong.
Why It’s Harder to Make Friends as an Adult
Before diving into how, let’s understand why adult friendships are more challenging.
- Time constraints: Work schedules, family duties, or even burnout can eat away your free time.
- Fewer opportunities: Unlike school or college, adults aren’t often in social settings designed to foster connection.
- Fear of rejection: No one wants to feel awkward or unwanted. Reaching out can feel risky.
- Past experiences: Some adults have been burned by betrayal or toxic friendships, making them hesitant to open up.
Despite these challenges, making new friends is absolutely possible — and often incredibly rewarding.
Step-by-Step: How to Make New Friends as an Adult
1. Start with the Right Mindset
Friendship starts with a willingness to connect. Approach it with curiosity rather than pressure. You’re not looking for perfect people, just real connections.
- Tip: Remind yourself that others feel the same way — many adults are also looking for friends.
2. Say “Yes” More Often
If someone invites you to something — a get-together, a hobby group, a community class — try to say yes. Showing up increases your chances of meeting people.
- Examples:
- Accept lunch invites from coworkers
- Join local events (art shows, yoga classes, community cleanups)
- Attend alumni gatherings or networking events
3. Reconnect with Old Friends
Sometimes, your next friendship already exists in the past. Reach out to old classmates, colleagues, or neighbors. A simple message like, “Hey, I was thinking of you today. Want to catch up sometime?” can restart a connection.
4. Explore Shared-Interest Spaces
Look for groups or spaces where people gather around common interests. These environments naturally encourage conversation and connection.
- Where to find these spaces:
- Meetup.com
- Facebook groups
- Local libraries or community centers
- Classes (cooking, painting, language)
- Sports clubs, walking groups, gyms
5. Be Genuinely Curious About Others
Instead of trying to be interesting, focus on being interested. Ask people about themselves. Listen actively. People love talking to someone who truly listens.
- Good conversation starters:
- “What got you into this hobby?”
- “Do you live nearby?”
- “Have you tried any new restaurants around here?”
6. Follow Up Without Fear
You had a nice conversation. Great! Now take the next step — send a text or DM saying you enjoyed chatting. Suggest a simple meet-up, like coffee or a walk.
- Example: “Hey, it was great talking at the book club last night. Want to grab coffee sometime next week?”
7. Keep Showing Up
Friendships take time. Don’t expect instant besties. Keep showing up, attending meetups, and staying in touch. Trust builds slowly.
8. Be the Friend You Wish to Have
Offer help. Be kind. Celebrate their wins. Check in if they’re struggling. The energy you give often comes back.
Friendship Ideas: Where to Look for Adult Friends
Here are some real-life places where adults commonly meet friends:
- Coworking spaces or professional events
- Churches or spiritual groups
- Volunteering opportunities
- Parent groups or playdates (if you’re a parent)
- Book clubs, hiking groups, or creative workshops
- Online communities that meet in real life
What Makes a Good Adult Friendship?
As we grow older, we begin to value quality over quantity. A good friend doesn’t need to talk to you every day — but they make you feel safe, supported, and understood.
Look for people who are:
- Respectful of your time and boundaries
- Honest and emotionally mature
- Fun to be around, but also there during tough times
- Encouraging and not competitive
5 Common Myths About Adult Friendships
Myth 1: Everyone already has their friend group.
Truth: Many adults feel lonely or disconnected, even if they appear social.
Myth 2: Making friends takes too much time.
Truth: A 30-minute coffee or a weekly text can nurture a growing connection.
Myth 3: It’s too late to make friends.
Truth: People of all ages form meaningful bonds — even in their 40s, 60s, or 80s.
Myth 4: If someone doesn’t respond, they’re not interested.
Truth: Life gets busy. Try following up once. If they still don’t respond, move on with grace.
Myth 5: You need to be outgoing.
Truth: Introverts make amazing friends too — just in their own quiet, intentional ways.
5 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. How long does it take to make a new friend as an adult?
Research suggests it takes about 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and over 200 hours to develop a close friendship. Be patient and stay consistent.
2. What if I’m shy or socially anxious?
Start with small steps. Join smaller or quieter groups, where you can ease in. Practice simple conversations and celebrate little wins.
3. How do I know if someone wants to be friends?
If they seem happy to talk to you, respond to messages, or agree to plans, it’s a good sign. If they seem distant or always cancel, it’s okay to let go and look elsewhere.
4. Can I make friends online?
Absolutely. Many deep friendships begin online — in forums, support groups, or social apps — and later turn into real-life bonds.
5. How do I maintain a new friendship?
Check in regularly. Make time, even if it’s a short call or message. Celebrate birthdays, remember small details, and be reliable.
Final Thoughts
Making new friends as an adult might feel unfamiliar, even intimidating — but it’s very possible and totally worth the effort. It starts with a little courage, a bit of curiosity, and the willingness to show up.
Remember: you’re not alone in wanting more connection. Many adults are waiting for someone just like you to start a conversation.